The Mess We Get Ourselves In


So I, uhm, was doing experimental research on the Internet – way back when – way back when I first got the net installed in my studio apartment. I’d never been online and so one day, I began entering one of my favorite authors for a search term and lo and behold, I found information. Amazing.

Well, unfortunately, I got more than information. Because these were my first ventures, I actually flit through the pages and pages known as “results,” and I ended up finding some blog of which, some young woman had written a thesis on the author that I’d been researching.

This was incredible, considering the author.

At any rate, me being in the peculiar situation that I’m in with my life; that is, the rationale for why I’m single, I nevertheless have a hopeless romantic streak about me. I seem to think I’m actually going to “get the girl” someday. In this capacity, I kept moving along with my life, following online the young woman who’d written her thesis on my favorite author and I realized – I suspected – that she was single. As time passed, I started feeling weird about this whole thing, since I don’t consider myself a creep, but before I knew it, more time had passed.

So I stopped following her. She lived on the other side of the country for crikey’s sake. But then a few years later, in the midst of writing my own thesis, I googled her name and terribly, I find she’s still blogging and still single. What is going on here? So I start following her again, and she writes about all these things that I think as well and I’m like, “This isn’t fair. This woman is my perfect match.” But so much time has passed and I’ve rationalized myself out of inserting my comments into her internet world so much, that I feel it’s all an illusion. I’ve fallen for someone who doesn’t know I even exist.

You have to understand, during the time of which I hadn’t been following her, I actually tried to date someone else online. And when I told the girl what I thought about her (something that was nice), she replied in the email that she couldn’t believe a stranger was falling for her on the Internet. It was a little callous. I instantly felt weird and so I’ve been permanently deterred from introducing myself to women online in the hopes of developing a relationship.


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